You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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