I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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