First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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