I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
