im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
