i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
