So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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