let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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