It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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