He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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