I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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