WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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