Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
