I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize