we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm passing your future prison.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
