hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
