Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
