It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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