I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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