Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
