He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
