your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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