Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
false alarm, still single
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
