whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
