God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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