so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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