did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the raccoons are back...
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