i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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