I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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