I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
