Porn is love you can see.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
