Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
