do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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