just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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