alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
