What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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