I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
