My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
