i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
