trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
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I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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