scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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