who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
