I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
