Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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