We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
