Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
