it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
where are you?
Hypothermia
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
