I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
