Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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