His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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