New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Life is so much better after having sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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