Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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