Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This baby is an asshole
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
