I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
