hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
