Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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