You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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