Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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