i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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