A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
