seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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