I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
