It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
