I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
