I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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