its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
