well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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