she was so not down for the gang bang
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
