Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
