I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
