I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dick very happy bro
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
