Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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