would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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