Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
