I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
