He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
