dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
