So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
