oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
